you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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