Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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