U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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