either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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