dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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