We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
