you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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