what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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