I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
