My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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