i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
