don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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