Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
