So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
