i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize