watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
