YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
