i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
