You smell like stripper and shame
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
