Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
