he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
