"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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