we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
