so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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