I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
