I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize