apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
