but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
