I want to make a zoo with you.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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