I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize