i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize