I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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