If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
