So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
