you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
