Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize