i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
