Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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