Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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