New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize