Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
