My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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