its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
