Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
