Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
