and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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