It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
