I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
