He is such a slut. More and more my type.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
