I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
