my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
