My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
