I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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