i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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