some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
