failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize