Jerry, you need to find god
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
organizing the empties. That sober.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
