Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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