even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
