yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
