At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
