stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm at about main and main street
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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