when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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