It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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