Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
