Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
