just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
