hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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