dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
