He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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