he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
