he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
