If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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