Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
