I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize