One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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