Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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