hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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