why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
