I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
