is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
