dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
