The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Randomize
