I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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