I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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