Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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