Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
