Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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