Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Ladies don't puke and tell
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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