i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Drunk is a universal language darling
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
