he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
