Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
it was like having sex with a tree stump
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
