So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
