Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
