Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
