Sponge bath it is.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
