oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
