I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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