but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize